My Impossible Goal

I'm running with the momentum I'm feeling at the moment - even with my emotions all over the place. I've spent the majority of the last 2 days in floods of tears - thanks, hormones! A late cycle is ALWAYS a teary one for me.  That being said, I dragged my arse down to the gym on Sunday morning for Strength and Development and I was SO glad I did. My first class back in the gym since July and I was worried I was going to have lost all the strength I'd been working on before the summer break but I was nicely surprised that it wasn't too bad. Did I enjoy the entire class? No! There were parts that were horrid, moment where I felt my form was off, moments where my inner critic was very loud and wanted to point out how strong everyone else around me was and how rubbish I am - I gave her a good talking to whilst I was dying do lunches and she fucked off out of my head space. It was hard; it was awesome! It's probably my favourite class of the week because I come out o...

Starting weight: 298.2lbs (Oct 2023) Lightest weight so far: 262.4lbs (Mar 21st 2025) End of last week: 275.8lbs  So the end of last week was a big gain because of our weekend away.  As of this morning, I'm back down to 272.8lbs and I just started my period (6 days late) so not really sure what went on this cycle and why I was so late.... its not unusual for me, with my hypothyroidism, to have irregular periods but it can make understanding the numbers on the scale really tricky - another reason for me to remember that an emotional attachment to the number in front of me isn't always helpful.  Tomorrow, I am going back to the gym for the first time since July! I'm so excited to get back to my classes and back to my routine. The summer holidays have been amazing but its been a long old break and tricky to fit in classes around holidays away, family events and just wanting to actually spend time as a family. Soaking up the 6 weeks of quality time as a 4 is so important to u...

Starting weight: 298.2lbs (Oct 2023) Lightest weight so far: 262.4lbs (Mar 21st 2025) End of last week: 271.0lbs  Aug 16th - ? Aug 17th - ? Aug 18th - ?  Aug 19th 276.4lbs  Aug 20th - 275.8lbs  This week is all about revisiting how it feels when the scale does weird things that don't seem right. This is a massive jump up in comparison to my calorie consumption and my activity level. Has my diet been perfect this week, no, but i've not been in a massive calprie surplus. Have i moved my body a lot this week, yes! I walked for 90 mins on Fri, 3 hours on Saturday and around 90 mins on Mon..... and then I checked my Flo App and I'm due to get my period in the next 48 hours.  So is there any point in assigning massive emotional turmoil to the fact that this is highest number i've seen in a fair while - no, there isn't. Is it hard to see that number and not feel like a massive failure! Yes! This number makes me cringe and it makes me feel like a total failure. It makes...

Starting weight: 298.2lbs (Oct 2023) Lightest weight so far: 262.4lbs (Mar 21st 2025) Aug 9th - 273.4lbs  Aug 10th - 272.8lbs  Aug 11th - 273.0lbs  Aug 12th - 271.0lbs  Aug 13th - 269.8lbs  Aug 15th - 271.0lbs  Down 2.4lbs this week! With 3 birthday parties back to back for R and a night out drinking with a friend - I will totally take this!  Feels great to be making better choices with my food and being more conscious of when and what I'm putting in my body on the whole.  There was also birthday cake and pizza, alcohol and cooked breakfasts during this week too but I planned the rest of my days around those events to make sure they wouldn't totally blow my calorie intake.  I know some of this weight loss is also bloat and water weight coming off from the holiday since returning to better eating.  Goal for the coming week is to get some exercise back into my weekly routine. 

I'm going to try and write here a bit more regularly to keep accountable. And if I'm writing about it, I'm focusing on it.  August 9th - 273.4lbs  Back from a week away where we ate so much cheese and chocolate and drank a lot of booze. We had a kid free night and went out out - plus ice creams on the beach and cookies after swimming etc etc..... so the scale having a big jump up makes a lot of sense but I wouldn't change how I ate on our family holiday.  I've been really thinking about where I'm at whilst away and I'm really ready to restart to the process with renewed focus. Back to a calorie deficit, high protein intake, fresh food and get back into my routine at the gym.  There are always going to be days coming up where that won't happen, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, family parties.... and sometimes, I'm not going to have a perfect day at those events - I'm going to eat cake and drink wine and enjoy myself without counting calories but ...

I've tried to start writing this post a few times but haven't been able to focus on it properly or get the words right or feel like I'm explaining the last few months properly without just making excuses.... so I think I'm just going to type it all out and just leave it here as it is. I hit me tonight that in a year, on paper, it basically looks like I've made no progress.... and in all honesty, that is how I've felt for the last few months - probably since May when I injured my knee and had to take 4 weeks off of all exercise due to swelling and loss of range of movement.  On paper, I've gone from 277lbs on Sept 3rd 2024 to 262lbs in April 2025 and back up to 266lbs at the start of August 2025..... the numbers in black and white make me feel like a total failure.  I had a really big mental health wobble in June after taking time out from the gym and had quite a few binge episodes which I hadn't been dealing with for a long time so that threw me for a lo...