Hello Hypothyroidism!!!

From February 2024 to June 2024 my weight loss completely stopped. It took me around a month to lose 1lb. 

I kept pushing, I kept doing the work and kept logging everything that was going on with my body - including lots of symptoms with my period... which were getting stranger and stranger. I was going back and forth to the doctor during this time. Lots of phone calls and adding symptoms to the list (my GP was brilliant through all of it) and eventually ended up going for an ultrasound and a fill blood work up. 

For a while, I had convinced myself that I had cervical cancer as I had so many of the symptoms that line up with that diagnosis but when my blood work came back it was glaringly obvious what I was dealing with. 

My T4 level (a hormone produced by the thyroid) was on the floor. Almost non-existent in my system - meaning that I have hypothyroidism. 

It's a life long condition - one that I will take medication for, for the rest of my life. That alone was a huge shock. To be told at 31 that I would need to take medication, every day, for ever was a lot to get my head around. And it's probably taken this long - July 1st to November 2nd - to really feel like i'm in a place where I fully accept what is going on in my body. 

Without my medication, basically everything in my body that needs regulating - isn't! Temperature, metabolism and weight loss, mood, concentration, memory, menstrual cycle, energy levels..... pretty much everything! And lots of the symptoms that I was having - I had actually just written off as the exhaustion of having 2 children under the age of 5. 

But when it got to putting my phone in the fridge and the butter in my handbag and trying to turn the TV on with my car keys.... I started to think maybe it was something a bit more serious than that!!! 

Since being diagnosed, my weight has stayed pretty stable, going up and down by a few pounds but I've, in no way, been on plan. 

Immediately after my diagnosis, I think I was a bit in shock and turned to that crutch that I know well.... cake, chocolate, cookies, sweet treats..... things that make me feel safe. And I was totally at peace with all those choices - something that I would not have been able to say without coaching. To turn to food and not feel shame about it was.... is.... a huge step along this journey. 

Then it was the summer holiday and we had some BIG celebrations as a family. My parents 40th wedding anniversary, a family holiday to centre parcs, my husbands 40th, my son's 3rd birthday.... and I enjoyed them all! Because if you can't eat cake at a birthday party - what's the point really?! 

And then I started a new job. An entirely new routine for our entire family. E started year 1, R started full time Pre-School and I started a full time job at their school. It's been amazing to get back into work but it's meant a whole new schedule/time table for my day which I've been navigating in regards to eating windows, when to eat what meals and just getting used to the new routine for the whole family. 

We've had a wonderful family half term holiday with so much crammed in but over the last few weeks I've been really aware of how my body feels and looks. My dysmorphia has been really high and I feel just as big as I was at the beginning of the journey even though I'm still bouncing around the 20lb lost mark. 

I think there have 2 things weighing on my mind that have been stopping me from really getting back on track and I've spent a long time reflecting on them over this half term and I finally feel like I've worked through them and I'm ready to get started again. 

Firstly - I was actually feeling frustrated and ashamed and embarrassed for only having lost around 20lbs with year. I've gone from 298 to around 270... so between 25 and 27lbs.... and I felt like that was a really crappy number... and I was ever going to hit my Impossible goal at that pace it was going to take like 3 and half years.... and that felt like I was failing..... and as an all or nothing perfectionist..... if you are going to fail.... why even try! It's an incredibly difficult mindset to battle!!! 

And secondly, now that I'm medicated for my hypothyroidism and my metabolism is 'normal'.... what if I still can't lose weight? Then I can't blame a medical condition for slowing me down...... then it's just me that's failing. Again that 'what if I can't' fear is so hard to get past. 

But I've been going back to why I want to succeed in this, what is the motivation and the small goals I want to hit to along the way. And the temptation to achieve those things - to get closer the smaller milestones, to hit the next target.... and ultimately get as close to the Impossible goal as possible! 

Its the countdown to Christmas and I'm really excited to see how much I can achieve before the holidays! 🌲🎅🎄🎁